


Don't Leave the Children on Their Own

by KelliDiane



Series: Family At War [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, child!louis, cystic fibrosis, military man, please take some time to learn about the mutation, teen!liam, teen!zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:16:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6046164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KelliDiane/pseuds/KelliDiane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been three months since Louis was cleared to come home from the hospital after his fight with the flu from the Middle East and so much has changed. His papa has been deployed for the final time- the royal navy making sure that he is always somewhere that is easily reached. His brother Liam is becoming a menace- in a good way, his dad is smiling a lot more, and he's passing all of his classes with straight A's and he's quit his job. Everything is looking up for their tiny family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Leave the Children on Their Own

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel of sorts to [Bring the Boys Back Home](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1920450). (:

Zayn hurries inside and riffles through the mail looking for the one piece of mail he had been waiting on the most. When he sees it, he nearly faints.

It's been three months since Louis was cleared to come home from the hospital after his fight with the flu from the Middle East and so much has changed. His papa has been deployed for the final time- the royal navy making sure that he is always somewhere that is easily reached. His brother Liam is becoming a menace- in a good way, his dad is smiling a lot more, and he's passing all of his classes with straight A's and he's quit his job. Everything is looking up for their tiny family.

Except Louis. He's been getting worse since his bout with the flu and the doctors can't figure out why. His baby brother is in the hospital every month now to ensure that he's okay.

"Dad! Dad, it's here! It's finally here!" Zayn shouts as he holds the letter from the Royal Academy of Arts in his hands. The most prestigious art school in the world took the time to mail him.

Harry drops the pans he's washing in the kitchen and heads out to the living room with his hands covered in soap and a dish towel thrown over his shoulder, "well, open it then! Need to know what kind of cake I have to buy tonight."

Harry's grinning, anxious, waiting for his son to open his letter. He's praying that Zayn got in.

Zayn hands are shaking and he's too scared to open the letter. "I can't. What if they rejected me? Dad, if I'm not good enough for them then my art is trash."

Louis toddles into the room and hears his brother. "It's not trash, Zaynie! You made my bedroom pretty and painted the solar system!" He hurried over, hugging his brother's leg.

Harry nods his head, wiping his hands clean. "Zayn, you have nothing to worry about. If I didn't believe in you I would have tried talking you out of applying. I know you got in now stop worrying so we can celebrate."

It's pointless to argue with his dad, so Zayn carefully opens the letter and pulls the paper inside out. He unfolds it and reads aloud. "Dear Mister Horan, we are delighted to inform you that you are one of sixty students accepted to the Academy this year!"

He looks up beaming with happiness. "I got in! Dad, I got accepted!"

"I told you!" Harry pulls Zayn into a hug and kisses his hair, he's so proud of him it's ridiculous.

"Do you want to skype papa?" Of everyone, he knows Niall and Zayn have a bond of their own, always talking or together and Harry's glad that Zayn feels comfortable always going to at least one of them for anything.

"Do you think he's available? Liam tried skyping him last night and he was pretty busy." Zayn says as he grabs the laptop from the counter.

"I think he'll answer," it has nothing to do with the fact that Harry made sure Niall had time so he could either congratulate or console Zayn about the letter.

Skype starts dialing and Harry watches the screen until Niall's face is suddenly there, dressed in uniform sitting back in his bunk and Harry's heart melts looking at him.

"Hi, babe. Just got off duty. How's my family doing?" Niall settles back in his bunk, laptop balanced on his folded knees.

"Papa!" Louis shouts excitedly. "Papa! Daddy said I get to go to school next year! That means I'm a big boy!"

Harry laughs and leans over the sofa to get a better look at his husband, "figured we can't hold him back from everything. What have you been up to?"

Liam, who's been in his room, runs out at the sound of his dad's voice waving excitedly, "hi papa!"

Niall smiles brightly. "Hello everyone it seems. I'm doing fine, looking for subs from Russia, so nothing to exciting. What about all of you?"

"I've been practicing my numbers!" Louis happily and starts rattling off his numbers, counting all the way up to twenty.

Liam waits until Louis is finished before he says, "I entered the science fair and I got second place! They said it was great and that I could go to schools like Oxford if I keep it up."

Harry smiles and then looks at Zayn trying not to beam at him, "and what about you, Z? Anything to share?"

Zayn smiles. "I got accepted to the Royal Academy of Arts! It's the most prestigious art school in the world! I checked!"

Niall's eyes widen comically. "No way! Zayn, that's amazing! I'm so proud for you!"

Harry pats at Zayn's back grinning from ear to ear, "we're going to celebrate tonight. Probably take Zayn out wherever he wants to go."

Liam looks back at his papa, "Papa, how much longer will you be gone?"

Niall's smile falters. "It's going be another three months at least- maybe longer. It all depends on how much I have to keep you boys safe."

Louis frowns. "So you won't be home for Li-li's birthday?"

Liam sighs trying not to look so hurt, "that's okay. I'll have my birthday without you… Again. It's not like it'll be different than the others."

Harry wants to say something, tell Liam that guilt tripping won't work but he keeps his mouth shut instead.

"I'm sorry, Liam. If it's any consolation, I won't have any of my family on my birthday." Niall says sadly.

Zayn throws an arm around his brother and pulls his in close. "Don't worry, papa. I'll take care of him. He'll be fine."

Liam just relaxes into his older brother still upset, he just wishes their dad would stay home.

Harry blows Niall a kiss, "we love you, but we should probably let you go."

"Yeah. It's nearly lights out for us. I love you all. Z, congrats on the acceptance letter. Li, keep up the good work- I tell everyone on ship I have a baby genius. Lou..." Niall pauses looking at his baby boy. "Stay healthy, okay?"

He directs his gaze towards Harry. "Can you boys give me a minute or two alone with dad?"

Harry waits until the boys have gone up to the family room before he sits on the sofa with the laptop on his legs, looking at his husband, "hey."

"Hey, you. I miss you so much." Niall reached out and strokes the image of his husband softly. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm hanging in there," Harry says softly. "Just trying to be strong, don't need to worry the boys."

Honestly Harry is hanging on by a thread, going between work and his kids, with almost no sleep he feels like he's going to snap, "I'll be better when you come home."

"I already have my assignment for when I get back. I get three months with you guys and then I'm at the shipyard everyday." Niall says softly. He can't wait till he's home where he belongs. "How's... How's Louis doing?"

"What do you think?" Harry asks until he realizes how that probably sounds. "Sorry," He sighs, "he's just ill. Worse than before and I don't know how to help him feel better."

"Do I need to come home?" Niall asks in a whisper. As much as he wants to be with them, leaving deployment early could only mean one thing- Louis wasn't going to make it.

Harry looks past the screen and towards the wall for a long moment, "I'll let you know in a month."

Niall bites his lip, hoping he won't start crying. "Okay. I gotta go. I've got five minutes till lights out. I love you, Harry. Please, please, please make sure the kids know how much I love them and how proud I am of them."

Harry nods his head, kissing the screen and pretending it's Niall, "I love you, babe. I'll talk to you later."

Zayn comes back down the stairs as he hears his dad's hang up with each other. "What do want to do for dinner? Liam said he's hungry."

Harry looks up at his son, rubbing at one of the dark circles under his eyes. "I can cook or we can order or go out, what do you want? This is your dinner, love."

"Let's just stay in. I'll cook and everything. You look beat, dad." Zayn says as he sits down next to his dad and curls up close to him.

Harry wraps his arm around Zayn's shoulder. "I'm alright, Z, really. Look I'm awake and I can cook."

"Dad," Zayn sighs and hugs him tightly. "Please don't overdo yourself. I've been there. I know what it's like."

"I'm not overdoing myself, I have three children I know how to balance things you don't need to worry about me." Harry kisses Zayn's forehead and stands up, heading towards the kitchen.

\------------

Louis squirms in his dad's lap. "Daddy, I'm hungry. I thought we were going to lunch with Li-Li."

They're sitting in the elementary school auditorium waiting for the Year Six class to present their projects about their everyday heroes. Liam had kept his a secret from the entire family, only presenting for Zayn alone when he found out his brother would be too wrapped up in finals to be able to attend.

"We are, but we're going to watch Liam speak first," Harry says trying to keep Louis still. 

A teacher comes to the microphone announcing that they will soon begin the presentation.

The class is led into the auditorium and sat down on the stage in alphabetical order. Liam waves emphatically to his dad and brother. 

"Welcome everyone to our classes Hero presentation. All year we've been studying epic heroes and movie heroes. Today we're going to tell you all who our everyday heroes are." The teacher smiles brightly. "Up first we have Alexander Andrews."

The presentations were quick and sweet. Fireman, police officers, and doctors among the heroes mentioned. "Now we have Liam Horan."

Liam is nervous, trying to keep eye contact with his dad as he heads up to the podium, settling his paper and offering a short wave, "hello. I'm Liam." 

Harry claps and grabs Louis' hands to have him clap along with the audience.

Louis smiles and claps happily. "Li-Li! Daddy, it's Li-Li!"

"Every day we were asked who our heroes were, and every day I asked myself who my hero was. Everyone picked famous people like Marie Curie, Albert Einstein, and others. I picked my papa."

Liam smiles softly, "my papa is in the navy and he's away a lot. He misses my birthday almost every year and sometimes Christmas or Halloween. It's hard, I come home every day and I only see my daddy not my papa. I don't get to say goodnight and I don't get to hug him, he can't always come in and scare the monsters away for my little brother or take my older brother out to footie matches. I cry sometimes because I miss him, but I know that everything he does is for us, not just for me but for all of you as well. He's brave, and strong, and he gives the best hugs. But most importantly, before being a lieutenant, he knows how to be a papa. And that's why my papa is my hero."

Louis smiles and claps loudly. He watches as his brother goes back to seat during all the applause. He turns his face into his dad's shoulder whispering, "Papa will come, Li-Li. He always does." 

The rest of the presentations go in much the same fashion and soon enough the ten year olds are dismissed to their parents for the final time of the year.

"Liam!" Harry says when his other son runs over, "that was beautiful! Got it on video so we can show papa next time we talk to him."

Liam smiles and high fives his little brother. "Perfect! I want papa to know that I love him and don't mind that he misses my birthday."

Harry nods and leads the both of them towards the cafeteria, "come on, you two. Let’s go eat."

Liam runs off after a few friends and leaves Louis with their dad. "Daddy, what happens if papa doesn't come back?"

Harry furrows his eyebrows, "that's not even a question, of course he's going to come back."

"But Zaynie says that sometimes papa's in danger and he might not make it home." Louis pouts as he tries to understand. "What do we do if he doesn't come home?"

"He'll come home," Harry says but he sighs, he knew Louis would ask sooner or later, "you remember how great grandma went to heaven? Well daddy would be with her watching over us and I would take care of you three."

Louis frowns and looks at his dad. He's trying to work out just what could happen to keep the man from coming home. "Papa has big guns on his boat. He'll be fine? Those guns are really big."

"They are," Harry says leading Louis out to the car and buckling him in his car seat.

"Daddy..." Louis isn't quite sure how to ask the question that's burning inside him. He knows that Zayn is always worried about their papa, but he doesn't understand. "What is papa protecting us from?"

"From...there are other people that daddy is fighting. They want to hurt him and his friends and us and everyone over in England so he's protecting everyone."

Louis still doesn't quite get it, but he nods anyway. "So papa is fighting bad guys? Why are they bad?"

"I don't think I can put it so you'll understand," Harry says and shrugs.

Louis sits quietly after that. He wants to know what makes them bad guys. He'll have to ask his papa when he gets home; he was better at explaining things.

\------------

Liam holds the control in his hands looking towards his older brother, "do I just press X to start?"

Harry had taken Louis to the hospital for his monthly check up leaving Zayn to watch Liam and Zayn thought it'd be fun to teach Liam how to play some of his video games. Liam was all for it, but it's more confusing than he thought it would be.

"Yeah. So I'll create a game file for you so it'll start you from the very beginning." Zayn says as he uses his controller to select new game and type in his brother's name. "It'll walk you through a whole level before letting you go out on your own." He lets the game take control as he sets his controller down and grabs for his coke. "So are you excited to move into my room once I leave?"

Liam shakes his head, "no because you'll be gone. Who's going to teach me how to play video games and stuff?" He looks sadly at the ground, "I'm going to be all alone when daddy takes Louis to the doctor's."

"Papa should be home soon after though. And I'm sure dad will take you with him. He didn't let me stay home by myself till I was thirteen." Zayn says as he watches the screen load the new game.

Once they land and everything loads, he sits up a little straighter. "So here's the backstory. It's not too important, by its nice. It'll give you a good story line to make realistic battle choices."

Liam nods looking over what's in front of them, talking about war and the possibility of dying, "is this what papa does?"

"Not really. This more like the Army. Papa is Navy. His fighting is sneaky and stealthy. He sits on a ship or in a submarine and attacks enemies from miles away." Zayn says with a shrug.

Liam nods, his next question much quieter, "but he can die like them right?"

Zayn freezes for a second. He doesn't know how to answer the question right away. "I mean, all humans are susceptible to death, but he does have a higher risk to due to his occupation." He sighs. His answers sounds too clinical- uncaring. "He's okay though."

Liam looks over at Zayn, "what'll happen if he does die though? What'll we do? What'll you do?"

The oldest of the two sighs, muting the game while it continues through the back stories. "Well, we move on. We'll get the folded UK flag and dad takes care of Louis and you become independent. Me? I move to London and keep my school strong,

Liam frowns, "won't you be sad though? You're papa's favorite and papa is your favorite."

"Of course I'll be sad. I'll be very, very sad. But papa knows that we have to keep moving on. We can't stay stuck in our sadness. That can hurt us." Zayn says trying to explain depression and suicide to the ten year old.

"But," Liam stops and choose about his next words carefully, "what if daddy can't move on? I don't think daddy could handle it anymore if papa was gone."

"Daddy... Daddy is a grown man. He'll be sad- more sad than me." Zayn doesn't actually want to think about this sort of stuff. "He'll probably take you and Lou to Holmes Chapel or Mullingar to be near family."

Liam nods noticing the tone of Zayn's voice, dropping the subject, "let's play so I can kick your butt!"

Zayn smiles and hits the mute button again bringing the characters to life. "Right! So level one will teach you all the buttons.

\------------

It's two in the morning, everyone sound asleep and the only noise is the hum of the air conditioning blowing through the house. 

The phone suddenly starts ringing and Harry startles awake, trying to get to the phone as fast as he can without waking anyone else up, "hello?"

"Hello sir I'm sorry to call you at such an early hour, is Niall Horan your husband?"

Harry frowns, but takes the cordless phone to the dining room to sit down. "Yes? Is he okay? I was just talking with him last night..."

"We docked on land and your husband along with a small squadron went out in a convoy towards the nearest town when it hit a bomb," the man doesn't know what to say, it never gets easier no matter how many times he has to make these calls.

"What? Is he okay? Is he hurt? Is he in hospital?" Harry's heart is hammering away in his chest. Why would they call him unless it was bad news?

"The entire squadron was killed, we can't find your husband's body but we found his dog tags covered in blood," he sighs, "I would prepare for a Union Jack to be delivered within a few days."

He can't breathe. He can't breathe. "N-no. You're wrong. He promised... He promised he'd come home. My son- he- he won't understand that papa isn't coming home. Stop lying to me!" Harry is screaming into the phone, sobbing hysterically as the words finally hit him.

"Sir, I'm very sorry about your loss, he was a brave man. Now I have to make calls to the others who have lost their loved ones."

Harry hears the phone click and the following silence is deafening. He covers his mouth with his hand to try and stifle his sons, but when he hears a door opening down the hall he knows it's a lost cause.

"Daddy?" Louis' sleep filled voice says softly before the boy comes into view. "Daddy, why are you crying?"

"Go back to bed," Harry says his voice cracking and he's still sobbing trying to turn away from Louis but he feels like everything is falling away and he can't breathe.

Next in the room is Zayn. He's wiping the sleep from his eyes, but the second he sees his dad and the discarded phone he immediately knows what's happened. "Dad... No..."

"What happened, Zaynie?" Louis asks still wondering why his dad is crying and why his big brother sounds scared.

Liam is awoken by the commotion looking up at his brothers and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, "what time is it?"

Harry has to try and calm himself, wiping his eyes and looking over at his children, beckoning them over.

Zayn frowns and picks Louis up holding him tight to him. He reaches out and draws an arm around Liam's shoulder to make sure he knows that he's there for him too. He looks to his dad, nodding for him to continue.

Harry waits until they're sitting on the couch and he's sitting on the coffee table still shaking, "I got a call. Your papa was in a car when they hit a… Your papa is..."

How the hell is he supposed to tell his children? "Your papa went to heaven last night."

Zayn squeezes his eyes shut tightly wanting to hold back the tears. "Did... Did they say how bad? Like, will they ship the body home for a proper burial?"

Louis frowns looking between his brothers and his daddy. "Is papa somewhere new now? Does this mean he's coming home soon?"

Harry looks at the ground, "all they could find were his tags covered in… Covered in blood."

Liam starts to sob looking angrily at his older brother, "you said papa would be okay! You said he wouldn't die!"

"Liam, I'm sorry..." Zayn says sort of shocked. He didn't think the younger one would be so angry with him. "I-I honestly thought he'd be okay."

Louis frowns. "Papa's dead?"

"But he's not! He's dead and now he's never coming back!" Liam sinks back into the sofa sobbing into the armchair.

Harry tries to calm his middle child while talking to the other two and he honestly doesn't know how he's going to handle being a single parent.

Zayn watches as his brother breaks down and something inside him constricts. He feels responsible and like he's failed the boy. Without another word he leaves for his room. He needs to be alone.

"Daddy? Daddy, I want papa. Zaynie is sad and papa will cheer him up." Louis says a bit desperately. He doesn't believe it. His papa can survive anything.

Harry picks Louis up and holds him tight, kissing his hair, "papa isn't coming back, Louis."

Louis grabs onto his dad's shirt, holding him tightly. "But he promised he would. He has to, daddy." He starts to cry, big fat tears trekking down his face.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry," Harry wipes Louis' tears away and pulls Liam into his arms to hold both of them, crying along with them.

\------------

Maura stirs the sauce before turning back to her grandson. "Do you think daddy is going to like his cookies?"

"Yeah," Louis says softly.

It been a week since that night with the phone call and Niall's parents had come to town to help their son-in-law with everything. They all were moving a bit slowly and grieving in their own way. It was too quiet around the normally loud home.

Harry's been having a hard time getting in and out of bed, trying to do it for his kids, for Niall, but the empty space next to him feels so much more empty and everything feels so off. 

Eventually he gets up and gets dressed heading out towards the kitchen, he bows his head when he sees his mother and father-in-law distracting Louis and Liam. "Got off the phone with the funeral home this morning, I'm going to pick out a casket and headstone tomorrow."

Maura nods. "I'll have Bobby go with you if you want. He's better with sort of thing. He did all the work when my dad died." She finishes up cooking lunch and getting the cookies ready for the oven. "Do you know when the last time Zayn ate was? I haven't been able to get him out of his room to eat."

Harry sighs and looks back towards the hallway where the bedrooms were, "not really no, but I'm trying to let him have space and grieve. He's taking it hard." 

Bobby, who's been helping Liam with an at home science experiment, looks up at his wife, "why don't you come help us pick something out, love? Niall was just as much your son, think it's important."

"I don't want Louis and Liam there. I'll just stay here with them. After the divorce, you knew him better and Harry knows him best." Maura says with a flourish as she pops the cookies in the oven and picks up her youngest grandson.

Louis smiles lightly. "Will you play footie with me, grandma? Papa played footie with me when daddy wasn't home."

Bobby stays quiet, the last thing he needs is an argument when they're supposed to be here for their son's family.

Harry sighs and sits on the sofa staring blankly at the wedding photo hanging on the wall. They were both only eighteen and too young but it worked and it makes Harry's heart ache.

Louis squirms out of his grandma's arms and heads over towards his dad. He climbs into his lap and buried himself there. "Zaynie said that papa didn't mean to get hurt. He said the bad guys hurt him."

Liam sighs, "don't believe anything Zayn says. He told me papa would come home. He's a liar, Louis."

Harry frowns and looks at Liam, "we all thought he would be okay, Li. Zayn didn't do anything bad he didn't know, none of us did."

"He still lied to me. I can't wait till he goes away to college." Liam says angrily.

Louis whimpers against Harry's shirt. "Zaynie takes care of us though. He's like papa, but different."

"You don't say stuff like that," Harry says, but he knows Liam is just grieving, that he's just angry at what happened.

Bobby looks towards Maura, "is dinner done, love?"

"Yeah. I'm just going to plate it and it'll be ready. Does anyone want to see if Zayn will join us?" Maura asks as she takes six plates out of the cupboard and starts to ladle pasta onto them.

Harry sets Louis aside and stands, figures he's probably the best choice, "I'll go check on him." He heads off down the hall, knocking softly on Zayn's door.

"What?" The voice from with sounds distracted and distant. Zayn knows he should probably be a bit nicer, but he hasn't slept in days and he's not had any food or drink since he shut himself up in his room four days ago.

"Please come out and eat, love. I don't need to take you to a hospital for malnutrition." Harry can't be talking considering how little he's eaten since Louis' near brush with death, but he can't stand seeing one of his kids acting like this.

Zayn takes a deep breath and looks at his nearly full canvas. In the letter of acceptance, it asked for a freshman showcase piece and he's been working non-stop on the creation since the phone call. "Can... Can you come in and tell me if this is good enough?"

Harry doesn't know what Zayn's talking about but he enters his room, looking around the room only to stop when he sees the large canvas in front of his son. "Zayn..."

"I just... I wanted a way to remember him and a way to make it different. It's-it's not too gruesome is it?" Zayn asks cautiously as he chews on his bottom lip.

The canvas is covered in dark coloured paints and the outline of a face can be seen. It's Niall- the blond hair and blue eyes make it obvious- wearing his combat helmet and an inviting smile. Dirt and what can only be blood is streaked across his cheeks as the background seems like a war zone.

"It's beautiful Zayn," Harry runs his fingers along the canvas and smiles softly kissing Zayn's cheek.

Zayn smiles softly. "I have to title it, but I can't think of anything. 'Modern Day Hero' seems kinda boring." He yawns, accidentally smearing a bit of red paint across his cheek as he covers his mouth.

"Work on it later, right now I would really appreciate it if you came out and are with us." Harry says.

"If I have to. I've been avoiding Liam since he pretty much hates me right now." Zayn says as he grabs his old shirt that he uses to clean his brushes. He wipes his hands off and dries what clean brushes he has.

Harry kisses at his son’s hair, trying to comfort him. “He’s just grieving. He needs an outlet for his anger and you’re there. Please, just come down to dinner, love.”

The younger boy sighs heavily. "Fine, but when Liam starts yelling don't blame me... He already is."

"Look at me," Harry holds Zayn's face in his hands, "I would never blame you, this isn't your fault. Liam's just dealing with everything differently. Now let's head into the kitchen alright?"

"Yeah," Zayn says dejectedly. He feels like he let his brother down. It's a horrible feeling. "I am really hungry."

Harry pulls Zayn's to his feet and leads him out to the dining room, "look who's going to join us."

"There's my favourite oldest grandson!" Maura says with a smile as she finished setting the table.

"Zaynie!" Louis cheers from his booster seat.

Everyone sits at the table as Maura passes out the food, "don't know if I thanked you for coming all the way out here. It's really means alot to us and would mean a lot to Niall too."

Maura shakes her head. "Niall loved you and I know that he would want us to help you out in your time of need. Besides, I love you all and I know it's hard loo-"

She's interrupted by Zayn's Skype account ringing.

Harry frowns and waves it off he just got Zayn to come out of his room, "ignore that. Call them back after we eat."

Everyone focuses on their food and it's quiet until Harry's Skype account starts to ring.

Harry sighs and gets up, opening his laptop only for his heart to stop beating when he sees the account trying to reach him. He immediately answers waiting for the connection to pick up.

"Harry?" Niall's face fills the screen and his voice is raw and broken, but it's him. He's got stitches on his forehead protected by gauze and a black eye, but other than that he seems fine.

"Niall?" Harry chokes up, running his fingers along the screen and he's wondering if he's dreaming, if he's going to wake up any moment now.

"Heard they called you and told you I was dead." Niall says quietly. "I'm not dead, babe. It's going to take a lot more than some shrapnel and a blow to the head to tear me away from you."

"Why didn't you call me sooner?! Why didn't you tell me?! The boys are falling apart! I'm falling apart! Your parents are here getting along!" Harry sobs, shoulders trembling.

Niall winces at the volume of Harry's voice. "Babe, babe, please don't yell. I'm not dead, but I was hurt. This is the first time I've been back in my barrack and near my laptop."

Zayn looks up from where he's eating. "Is that...?"

Harry just turns the laptop screen towards his children for them to see and leaves the room, he can't handle it right now. Can't handle the emotional roller coaster he'd been on preparing to be a single father, trying to keep his children from completely falling apart.

"Papa!" Louis squeals as he sees the man on the computer screen.

The whole room devolves into questions and tears of happiness. "What happened, papa?" "We thought you weren't coming back!"

Maura excuses herself to check on her son-in-law. "Harry? Harry, are you okay?"

Harry's sitting on his bed trying not to sob but it's a battle he's losing, "sorry, Maura. I really don't want you seeing me like this."

"Tell me what's wrong, sweetheart. It's okay. No one cares. It's okay that you need a moment." She sits next to him quickly, putting her arms around him and letting him cry on her shoulder.

Harry cries into her neck, "I thought I was all alone. I thought I was really doing this alone and I thought that I'd be sleeping alone. I thought about the boys growing up, having to deal with Louis' illness, having to raise Liam, and support Zayn. Alone. But I'm still alone! He's miles away and I am doing it alone, I'm raising these children and he isn't here. When I thought he was dead and finding out that he isn't, it feels like nothing is different because I've been alone since we started dating."

"Harry," Maura runs her fingers through his hair soothingly. "Listen to me, you're not alone. If you ever need me, pick up the phone. You know I had been looking at moving to London... Maybe this is why." She sighs and holds him tightly. "He loves you. You know that and you know that he wants to be here to help you. He's called me crying about missing a birthday or being gone on your anniversary. He knows how much it hurts the kids that he's not here. He wants to be here and he'll be home soon. And this time, he'll be home for good."

Harry just cries against her. He knows Niall loves him and their kids, he knows, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Not right now at least, but he appreciates the comfort.

Maura kisses his curls and wipes away his tears. "I understand if you need another minute, but I think Niall needs you right now. From the quick glance I caught, he does seem hurt."

Harry sighs and nods, wiping the tears from his eyes and stands, he just needed to get away and finally have his breakdown.

Zayn is holding Liam in his lap, smiling brightly and talking to their papa when he sees his dad. "We're glad you're okay, papa."

"Same, Zayn, same." Niall can read from Zayn's body language that Harry was back and he looks down to his tiny bed in shame. "Can I talk to your dad privately for a moment?"

Harry takes the laptop from Zayn and heads back into his bedroom that Maura had vacated, shutting the door and sitting on the mattress before he responds. "Sorry about that, about earlier."

"I'm so sorry, babe. I should have called- no, the navy should have called." Niall looks up, tears in his eyes. "When they told me they had reported me KIA I wanted to call you. They only fixed the error when my superior called for replacement dog tags. Apparently you'll be getting my old ones in a day or two."

It's silent for a moment before Niall starts crying. "I-I watched the vehicle in front of ours get hit. I never... This is why I do subs and ships. I can't even- they're dead and I'm still here. Why?"

"I don't know Niall I don't, but you're alive and you have children and you need to focus on that." Harry says, tears welling back up in his eyes.

Niall can't stop sobbing. "I don't even remember it happening. There was an explosion and then I went off the truck and... There was so much pain." He grasps at his hair and winces. "I just... I can't..."

"I love you okay," Harry sobs, "forever Niall. Don't ever question it okay?"

"I love you so much. I'm so sorry I put you through that." Niall tries to get himself together as best he can. It's difficult when all he can see when closes his eyes is the faces of friends he'll never see again. "I'm off duty until the doctor gives me a clean bill of health so call me whenever you can. I need to remember why I'm in this god forsaken place."

Harry nods his head, "every night. You can help me read bedtime stories to Lou and sings songs to Liam when it's time for them to sleep."

"Sounds like a plan." Niall tries to hide his wince as he shifts. "I love you."

"I love you too. Get some rest alright? We'll call you later." He doesn't want to get off the phone but he knows he'll have to.

Niall nods. "Give the boys my best and hold them extra tight for me."

"I always do," Harry kisses the webcam and ends the call, staring at his reflection in the laptop.

\------------

Louis squirms in his dad's lap. He woke up from his nap cranky and achy and he's just not having it today. "Daddy, home."

"Soon, baby, I promise." Harry runs his hands along Louis' arms trying to give him a comforting massage, distract him from the smell of disinfectant and sickness.

"Louis?" Nurse Jackie says with a smile. She's the nurse who is always there when Louis comes is for check ups.

"He's not here," Louis says grumpily as he glares at the woman before turning the death stare on his father.

Harry tries to stifle a laugh holding his hands up, "oh no! It's the tickle monster!"

He starts to run his fingers along Louis' rib cage to get him to crack a smile.

"Noooooooo!" Louis tries so hard not to smile or laugh, but he can't help it.

The nurse smiles and holds her arms out for the boy. "You ready to get your tests, lovely? We have to make sure you're healthy enough to keep playing."

Harry grins and kisses Louis' cheek, "you can even pick what we have for dinner tonight and papa will read you two bedtime stories."

Louis sighs and reaches out for nurse Jackie. Once they're situated and making their way down the hall, Louis is glaring again. "Daddy, I don't want to go to the hospital again. I always end up in the hospital."

"It's because you're sick," Harry sighs following after the both of them, holding Louis' hand as they walk.

The nurse sets Louis down on the table and starts to take his vitals. She takes his temperature- which is slightly elevated- and checks his heartbeat. She listens to his lungs and frowns. "Louis, have you been coughing and clearing out your lungs every morning?"

The small boy shrugs. "I cough, but sometimes there's nothing there."

Harry immediately draws a look of concern looking at the nurse in front of him, "why are you asking? Is there anything wrong?"

"He sounds very blocked in his lungs. Obviously we'll take a scan and have do the breathing test, but I'm afraid we should probably get a bed ready in the children's wing for him." The nurse says as she writes everything down in Louis' file.

Harry closes his eyes and nods, "alright. Alright, yeah, just set up my bed along with his."

Louis looks at his dad. "Should Zaynie get a bag ready for me and you?"

The nurse frowns. The poor three year old shouldn't have to know that the hospital means an overnight bag. "Not yet, buddy. I could be wrong. Let's wait till the doctor does his tests."

Harry nods, pushing Louis' bangs back from his face trying to comfort him. "Papa can even read you bedtime stories when you're in here."

"When will papa be home?" Louis asks. Ever since he's thought his papa wasn't coming home, he's asked when he'd see Niall again.

"Soon, baby, he'll be home very soon," Harry says. He'd talked to Niall and the navy was considering letting Niall go home a little early after what had happened.

The doctor comes in and smiles brightly. "Hello! How's my favourite little patient and his father?"

Louis huffs and crosses his arms. "No hospital."

"Louis, we won't be long. You want anything for dinner? A new toy?" Harry just wants Louis to behave and get through this so that they could go home, he hates being in a hospital just as much if not more.

Louis shakes his head fiercely. "No! I wanna go home!" The boy flails his arms, catching the doctor across the chest.

Harry glares and grabs Louis' arms, "if you don't listen I'll give you a spanking. Don't make daddy punish you."

"I don't wanna!" Louis wrenches his arm away from Harry and continued to glare. "Papa wouldn't make me go."

"Louis William Tomlinson, you have one more chance to sit here. Don't make me spank you." Harry keeps his voice even, glaring at his son.

Louis glares right back, never breaking eye contact.

The doctor uses the small distraction to prep the needle and quickly take a small blood sample. "There we go. That's all we needed. Now we just need a scan and we'll be done."

Harry sighs and kisses Louis' cheek, "you know daddy just wants you to be healthy right?"

Louis nods sullenly. He didn't even feel the needle. "Why aren't I healthy, daddy? I just wanna be normal."

"I know, baby, but you're sick. I know you can't feel it, but you are. Just let daddy take care of you." Harry rubs his cheek and kisses his nose.

Louis starts to cry. He cries so hard that he starts coughing. His entire frame is shaking with the force of the coughs. Suddenly, he's throwing up all over himself.

"Nurse! Nurse!" The doctor is trying to hold the boy still. He looks to Harry in a slight panic. "He's going to the hospital."

"Lou?! Louis!" Harry is freaking out, trying to just let the nurse handle it rather than jump in but watching his son he can't help grab his hands.

The nurse is quickly in the room clearing a crash cart and prepping the bed. "I need an oxygen mask, now!"

Louis is crying hysterically, reaching for his daddy. "Daddy! Daddy!"

Harry's in tears trying to calm Louis down, "baby, it's okay. You have to be still. You have to let the doctors make you feel better."

The oxygen is wheeled in and Louis is quickly put on the crash cart. The mask is slipped over his face and the nurse starts to wheel him away.

"I would call his brother and get a bag ready. Kids normally vomit when they cry too hard, but none vomit that violently. He'll be here one night, probably more." The doctor says to Harry with a frown. He places a condoling hand on the man's shoulder before hurrying out to find his patient.

Harry's hands are tangled in his hair, watching Louis go before calling Zayn, waiting for him to answer the phone.

\------------

Harry's sitting in a waiting chair pulled up next to Louis' hospital bed, watching his son sleep with the oxygen mask taking up most of his face.

He's called Zayn and told him that they'd be staying at the hospital overnight and to order food with the cash he left out on the coffee table in case. It's almost midnight now and he's dozing off.

A nurse knocks softly on the door frame before entering. "Mister Horan? I'm sorry to wake you. I'm nurse Diana. I'll be watching Louis tonight. Visiting hours ended three hours ago so I have to send you home."

Harry sits up in his seat, stretching his limbs out and yawning, "I can't just stay and watch him? I don't need to sleep I can just stay here."

"I'm sorry," she shakes her head, "it's against policy." She goes about fiddling with some of Louis' wires and recording his vitals. "You can come back at ten in the morning."

Harry sighs and stands, softly brushing Louis' hair off his forehead and kissing his cheek smiling down at his precious angel. He rubs at his almost swollen black eye, he hasn't been sleeping at all lately. He starts heading down the corridor when he starts to experience tunnel vision, everything turning black and he barely has a hand against the wall when he's falling over against the tile.

"Sir!" The nurse is at his side in a flash. She's checking for a pulse and finds it quickly. It's erratic and the man is out cold. "Help! I need help!"

A few nurses rush over and help lift him up onto a bed, asking the other what had happened.

She shakes her head. "He just sort of... Dropped."

They nod and prepare a room to wheel him in, calling the only other emergency contact they have for his son, waiting for an answer.

"Hello?" A gruff voice answers.

"Is this Zayn Horan?" The nurse asks, looking over the contact information on the screen.

"Yeah? Who is this?" Zayn says through a yawn. He had just gotten Liam to head to bed when his cell phone had started ringing.

"I'm a nurse over at the St Jude's hospital, we just admitted your father." He said

Zayn is suddenly wide awake. "What? No, no, no. You admitted my brother earlier today."

"Your father collapsed while leaving. He's stable, but we're not sure what's wrong as of yet," he explains.

"Can we see him? Do we have to wait? Give me something!" Zayn says a bit more stressed now.

"You'll have to wait for visiting hours tomorrow morning at 10am. We'll call you if anything changes with either your father or brother."

Zayn sighs and looks down at his brother's door. "Yeah, yeah. Thanks."

The nurse apologizes and hangs up.

\------------

Liam is rooting through the fridge trying to find something to make for breakfast. Dad still hadn't been home and Liam was getting impatient.

Zayn comes down the stairs slowly, rubbing at his neck and eyes. "Hey, Li. What you making for breakfast?"

"I'm just getting things out for daddy when he comes home." Liam shrugs, setting everything out on the counter.

"Liam..." Zayn had forgotten about his dad being in the hospital until then. He sighs and pulls out a dining room chair. "Have a seat, Li."

Liam frowns, sitting across from Zayn, "yeah?"

"Um, dad is in the hospital. He fainted on the way out from visiting Louis so they kept him overnight." Zayn doesn't want to scare his brother- especially since he doesn't know much. "Maybe grab a bowl of cereal and then get ready. We're going to visit them."

"What! Why didn't you tell me?!" Liam can feel himself start to freak out.

Zayn sighs. "You were asleep when I got the call. They said that we couldn't see them till this morning anyway so I didn't want to wake you."

Liam closes the fridge and runs upstairs to his room, he's so worried and concerned he needs to talk to someone. He closes his door and gets his laptop set up. After he fixed his webcam and he presses the call button on his papa's profile.

Zayn hurries up the steps and stops outside his brother's door. "Liam, open the door. It's okay. We're going to go see them now."

The Skype call finally connects and Niall's face is half illuminated in the darkness. "Liam?"

"Papa," Liam starts to sob when he sees him running his hand down the screen.

Niall sits up in his bunk suddenly wide awake. "Liam? Liam, sweetheart, tell me what's wrong. I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"Louis and daddy are in the hospital, Zayn said the hospital called last night and daddy fainted." Liam cries.

"Where's Zayn? Put Zayn on. Liam, listen to me, I need you to be a big boy and be brave. Daddy needs you to be brave." Niall says, already pulling up his duty roster.

Liam wipes at his cheeks and opens the door to Zayn, "papa's on skype, he wants to talk to you."

Zayn moves to the computer and pulls Liam in close so that they can both see their papa. "Yeah?"

"I'm going to request early leave. I can't have you boys there alone. I will try and keep you posted as to where I am." Niall says as he gets up to pack. "Make sure you have Skype connection so I can get ahold of you if I need to."

Liam sighs and nods, "what if they're not okay papa? Lou or daddy, what if they're not okay?"

"They will be, Liam. They will be. Louis' a soldier, remember? He fights every day. And daddy is just tired. He's worried about Lou and probably fell asleep there." Niall is moving around his quarters, throwing all his clothes into a duffle.

"But that's not true! You could have died! You'll die out there and Daddy will be too sick and Louis will die and Zayn will go to college! I'm going to be all alone!" He shouted angrily, tears falling freely from his cheeks.

Niall sighs and looks at his son. "Liam, if that were to happen, you'd never be alone. You go to live with Mammy Maura, but daddy, Louis, and I would always be with you. We'd be watching over you and protecting you."

"And I wouldn't just leave you for college. I'd stay with you before leaving any day." Zayn says, hugging his brother tightly.

Liam sighs and nods hugging Zayn back, he's just scared. Terrified, "okay."

Niall nods. "Go get ready for the day and go see daddy. I have to do some paperwork, but I'll hopefully see you soon." He looks at his sons for another moment. "I love you both so much."

"Love you too," Liam kisses the screen and heads over to his dresser to get changed out of his pajamas.

Zayn watches as the call disconnects and Liam immediately starts to get ready. "Liam, are you mad at me?"

"No, I just wished you told me sooner." Liam sighs looking up at his older brother.

"You understand why I didn't though, right? The second I said something you would have wanted to go and I would have had to tell you no." Zayn says cautiously. He doesn't want to set his brother off again.

Liam shakes his head, a bit angrily, but deflates nonetheless. “Can we please just go see them?”

Zayn sighs, but nods. "Yeah, buddy. Let me shower and change."

\------------

Niall quickly checks over the duty roster again. Commander Cowell was up on the command deck for another fifteen minutes and he needed to speak with him. He gives his quarters one last look and heads up and towards the Commander.

He's hurrying, merely shoving people out of the way to get where he needed. When he finally makes it to the command deck, he's stopped right outside. He huffs, but knows it's protocol. "Captain Niall James Horan requesting permission to see Commander Cowell immediately."

"Come in," Simon says from where he's sat.

"Sir, I need to go home. My family is falling apart." Niall says quickly.

Simon motions Niall forward, "what about your family falling apart? Elaborate."

Niall bites his lip. He's never told Simon the extent of his family problems. "My youngest is lying on his deathbed, my husband is also lying in the hospital, and my other two boys are fatherless right now."

Simon nods and sighs, "I'll get the paperwork started to have you depart early."

"Sir, I need to be out of here within the hour. Paperwork takes a few days. What do we do?" Niall says quickly.

"Deathbed?" Simon asks for confirmation of its severity.

The blond nods. "He has cystic fibrosis. He's always been sickly. If you look in my record, you'll see there's an addendum to my enlistment contract." He tries not to seem too antsy to leave.

Simon looks his file up and goes over the information, "I can get you out ,but the fastest would take a couple hours. This doesn't have anything to do with your accident does it?"

"Sir?" Niall isn't quite sure why the accident is being brought up now of all times. "What is the relevance of this question?"

"You're not feeling guilty about your squadron dying, or scared that you'll die are you?"

Niall looks at the ground. "I'll always feel guilty about my squadron, but I'm not afraid to die. What I am scared of is my son and husband dying without me being there and my other two sons not knowing what to do." He says honestly. He'll never truly be over watching Eoghan get blown from his vehicle or Breslin lying there motionless staring up at the sky.

Simon considers his answer, "you'll be out within a few hours go pack your things so we can send you out on the next flight."

"Thank you, sir." Niall says with a salute before turning on his heel and making his way from the command deck. Once he's clear, he takes off into a sprint back towards his quarters.

Making it back, he throws open the door and accidentally awakens his bunk mate. "Grimmy! Grimmy, I'm going home!"

Nick looks at Niall, dazed and still half asleep, "congrats now let me take my nap."

"Really? I tell you I'm shipping out and all you have to say is 'let me sleep'? Wow, Nick." Niall says as he grabs his duffel from under his bunk. He starts throwing everything he can reach that is his in the bag.

"I'm just being an asshole," Nick rolls his eyes and gets up, pulling Niall into his chest.

Niall holds his bunk mate tightly. "Do you want me to deliver anything to anyone once I'm home?"

"Not that I can think of, you just tell Harry and the kids I said hi." Nick lets Niall go and backs up to allow him to grab his things and leave.

Niall frowns as he thinks of what he's going home to. "As soon as Harry and Louis are out of the hospital... Nick, I could end up a single parent of two."

Nick shakes his head, "you can't think like that. Whatever is happening to Harry, they'll both be fine."

"It's just scary. Harry has practically been a single parent for years. Me? I'd be so lost without him." Niall sighs as he starts to go about the room throwing stuff in his duffel.

Nick nods in understanding, "you would do fine. I know you, Niall. Now Harry is fine, alright? Don't stress."

Niall is ready to argue, but can't find it in him to fight. "Telling me not to stress won't help, but thanks anyway." He gives his bunk mate a wry smile and continues to pack. "You sure you'll be okay without me?"

"Might end up shooting my hand off," nick shrugs and grins, "but I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Just don't get yourself killed. I can't deal with another death right now." Niall clears his throat and tries to move on from the sensitive topic.

"I'll try not to- for you." Nick says and kisses Niall's cheek sloppily.

There's a sharp knocking on their quarter's door. "Horan? Commander Cowell said your chopper is taking off in ten."

Niall smiles, albeit sadly. "Almost ready. I'll be on top deck in five."

Nick sighs and stares up at his roommate, "I'll be fine, focus on your family for right now and getting back to them."

"When you get back, call me. Want you to meet my boys and my Harry." Niall smiles softly and the 'so I know you're okay' goes unsaid.

Nick nods, "I'll make sure, will tell your kids all about the shit you get up to here. Tell Harry everything, but uncensored."

Niall laughs and pulls the man in for one last hug. "I don't know if Harry could handle it all." He grabs his bag and heads for the door. "To civilisation I go."

"Enjoy it, have a shot or three for me." He grins, settling back into his bunk.

The blond heads out and to the waiting helicopter. Soon, he'll be home.

\------------

Zayn sits at the table in his brother's hospital room. They weren't allowed to see their dad yet since he was on a strict no stress, all sleep order from the doctors. "Liam, why don't you pull out the board game you brought to play with Louis."

"Yeah! C'mon, Li! I wanna play a game!" Louis says with a smile as he scratches at his IV.

Liam nods and pulls out the Disney version of Sorry, starting to set the pieces up on the dinner tray in front of Louis. "How you feeling, Lou?"

Louis shrugs as he watches the red pieces get set up in front of himself. "I'm sleepy and hungry. It hurts here," he rubs at his chest, "but it always hurts there."

Liam frowns and rubs his fingers at Louis' chest, trying to massage it hopefully to make it feel better.

Zayn sighs. "You'll be fine, buddy. The doctor said they think they know how to help the pain and reduce visits here."

Louis frowns. "What does that mean?"

"It means you won't have to come here a lot and your chest won't hurt so much." Liam is sick of hospitals and he's pretty sure everyone else is too.

Louis nods as he picks up the first card. "I tried to run when they said I had to come to the hospital. I don't want to be here."

"Soon you'll be back home and daddy and papa will be there and I can show you how to play video games like Zayn showed me."

"Papa will be there?" Louis perks up at that. He misses his papa so much.

Zayn nods, smiling softly. "Papa is on his way home right now."

Liam lights up nodding his head, "he missed you. He'll be here to help and to hold us again."

Louis claps excitedly and smiles over at his brother. "Daddy will be so happy! Where is daddy?"

Liam frowns softly and looks back at his older brother to explain, he's glad he isn't the oldest.

"He's in another room. He has to sleep a lot so the doctors put him a dark, quiet room. They were scared we would be too loud and wake him." Zayn says with a tight lipped smile.

Liam nods along, "he'll come later. Right now we're going to keep you company, but the family will be together soon."

Louis is more than happy with that and just nods with vigour. "Okay. I'll just beat you at Sorry! for now."

Down the hall, Niall is at the nurses' desk. "When are visiting hours over? I know my oldest two boys are in with their brother, but I wanted to go check on my husband before seeing them. You wouldn't happen to know where he is, would you?"

The nurse clicks the keys on her keyboard, searching through the database until she finds a Harry Styles, "he's on floor three in room twelve, just take the service elevator and take a left. Visiting hours end in an hour."

"Thank you," Niall says appreciatively before heading for the elevator. Once inside, he sighs and leans against one of the walls.

He had walked past Louis' room and heard his three boys talking, but he hadn't even caught a glimpse of his husband. He's terrified of what he might see, to be honest. He makes it to Harry's room though and stops when he sees him lying in the hospital bed.

Harry's staring at the wall, back turned towards the door. He feels so sluggish and he's so irritated that they're making him stay when he should be with Louis and his boys. "For the last time I'm not hungry, unless this is about Louis I don't care."

"Really? Because you're malnourished and I won't let you take care of the boys until you're completely healthy." Niall says, crossing his arms over his chest in slight defensive.

Harry startles, he hadn't expected Niall to be here or to see him like this. Slowly he sits up and looks over at his husband, "when did you get here? Why are you here?" He winces when he realizes how harsh that sounded, back pedaling. "I mean that in the nicest way. You shouldn't be home for what another month?"

The blond heads into the room and sits down next to his husband. He's still in his uniform, hat and all, and realises how much he probably smells like an airplane. "I got a Skype call from Liam. You and Louis were in the hospital, so I came home early." He learns forward and kisses his husband's curls. "What's going, Harry? Why are you so underweight and exhausted?"

"I'm not underweight and I'm not exhausted," the doctor had tried convincing him that he was, but he eats and sleeps- for the most part at least. "I'm fine, look I'm awake and to want to see my boys. They don't have anyone else to care for them when you're away."

"Well guess what? I'm here now. Harry, you need to take care of yourself before the doctors and I let you out of this bed." He huffs. He knows how obstinate Harry is and he isn't above using his own kids against him.

"I do take care of myself! I just felt a little dizzy and now you're all forcing me here. They need me." Harry's sitting up fully now, looking at his husband almost angrily but also insistent.

Niall sighs. "That's not what I meant and you know it." He takes his hat off and runs his hand through his hair. "You're not a single dad any more. I can help and right now, my priorities are to get you and Louis one hundred percent healthy."

"I am healthy," Harry says. He's fine, he feels fine, there's nothing wrong with him. "So what if I can't remember the last time I ate or when I got proper sleep? It hasn't been that long, people can go up to three weeks without food."

"But that's not healthy! Harry, if this is because you had to sacrifice for the kids, you don't have to anymore." Niall, sighs, trying to find a way to make his husband understand. "Can I please get you to be selfish for a week? Do I need to send you on holiday to get you to be selfish?"

"I can't be selfish; I'm a father, Niall. my kids will always come first." Harry's just tired, not even physically but mentally.

"Harry," Niall is getting frustrated, "I'm going to send you to your mothers' for a week."

Harry's mouth falls open, he can't be separated from his kids he'd have a panic attack, "you wouldn't dare."

"You need time away, Harry. You're fifteen underweight and look at how drained you look! Plus, I need time with the kids by myself. This will be good for both of us."

Harry sinks back into his bad, looking miserably at his husband, "please don't make me leave them. Please."

"We'll talk about it. I really want you to focus on you for awhile." He smiles softly and leans forward to kiss his husband's forehead. "I'm happy I'm here though."

Harry sighs and looks at the ceiling, "I wasn't trying to get sick or malnourished or whatever. I just had so many things going on I didn't really notice. Think it's been four days since I've eaten maybe five."

Niall frowns as he takes in his husband's frame. "Will you please eat something? I don't want you to 'not notice' for too long and end up seriously injured."

Harry nods even if he doesn't really feel hungry, "for you, yeah. Just nothing too big don't think I can handle it."

"That's a start. Will you please consider taking a week to focus on you though?" Niall begs.

Harry frowns. He really doesn't want to, but Niall just got back and he'd rather not spend it fighting, it's not worth it. "You know I literally almost died when I thought I lost you. I probably would have killed myself, not purposely, but I probably wouldn't have made it without you. Or maybe I would have for the boys, I'm just so happy to see your face."

Niall smiles brightly. "I'm so happy to be home. I don't know if I would have made it much longer on ship." He leans down and kisses his husband. It's been so long since he's been able to do even that.

Harry kisses him back, fingers tightening in his hair, almost knotting it and he's giving him sort of desperate, open mouth pecks.

"Babe," Niall whispers between kisses. He keeps his husband close since he needs the closeness and the the love.

When they break for air and he's resting his head against Harry's, he sighs heavily. "I have to go. Visiting hours end in thirty minutes and I haven't seen Louis yet. I came straight to see you."

Harry nods quickly, would rather Louis have one of his dads. "Give him a kiss from me and tell him I'll see him as soon as I feel better."

"I will. I love you. Get better so we can have a real reunion." Niall says with a soft smile before kissing his husband once more.

Harry nods once, letting Niall kiss him again. "Now go. Louis still needs to see you."

Niall nods, reluctant to leave his husband's side. He heads towards the hall, stopping once more in the doorway. "You sure you don't need me?"

Harry smiles softly, "I'll always need you, but Louis needs you way more right now."

"Right. I'll just be on my way then." He hovers for another second or two before making his way back towards the elevator. He sighs heavily as the doors close.

He wanted to stay with his husband.

\------------

Harry's never been so happy being released from the hospital, looking at Niall who's standing next to him while he fills paperwork out. "So do I have to go directly to my mum's or can I at least stop by and see Lou?"

"You can see Lou. I wasn't going to make you go until he was released and everything was okay." Niall says with a shrug. He wishes he felt a bit less frustrated, but adjusting to civilian life again is harder than he thought.

Harry nods and kisses Niall's cheek, nudging his nose against his jaw before he hands the papers to the nurse at the reception desk.

Niall knows his husband and he knows how much his family means to him. He wraps an arm around the man's waist as he waits for the discharge papers to be processed.

The nurse hums quietly as she scans everything through and checks for their bill once more. She frowns as she looks at the computer screen. "Oh, um, your bill seems to have, well, um, disappeared."

"Disappeared? What does that mean?" Harry's confused, looking between Niall and the nurse.

"Well, yesterday the bill was showing a couple hundred thousand not covered by your insurance, but now it's saying covered." She clicks around a bit more trying to figure it out.

Niall frowns. "We're on a military insurance plan. They don't cover anything unless the service member died or they retired." He suddenly stops.

"Oh! I'm off active duty! My paperwork must have gone through completely. I'm officially no longer deployed and can't be called up to serve again!" He smiles brightly as he says it out loud. It's such a relief. "I never have to go out again."

Harry grins and kisses Niall again, "well this is a nice surprise."

The nurse smiles and signs the release papers. "Well, you better get down to your son. Heard the doctor say he's going to try something to get him better quicker."

Harry's lips twitch into a frown starting to hurry towards the elevator.

They make it down to Louis' room as fast as the elevator allows them.

"And then you just take your finger and smear it," Zayn says as he shows Louis how to shade with pencil.

Harry opens the door, a bit out of breath looking at his three children. Immediately he moved towards the bed, "Louis! Daddy missed you!"

"Daddy!" Louis shouts happily as he throws his arms in the air. He's not allowed to leave the bed, but he wants to just run into his dad's arms. "Papa said you were sleeping in a different room than me!"

Niall gives Liam a hug so the sleeping boy knows that they're here, but he doesn't want to wake him. "Yup. And now look! The whole family is here!"

Harry sits next to him and hugs his son, running his fingers through Louis' unkempt hair. "Has anyone brushed your hair lately? When is the last time you brushed your teeth?"

Zayn rolls his eyes. "The nurses shower him and let him brush everyday. Chill, dad. Relax a bit, yeah?"

Louis nods. "Zayn even brought me my Spider-Man toothbrush!"

Harry sighs, holding Louis' face in his hands, "sorry sorry. Just been awhile since I've seen you is all."

Niall sits himself in the corner with his oldest two as he lets Harry have his moment with Louis. He doesn't want to interrupt what he knows Harry needs right now.

There's a knock on the wall though and then the doctor appears. "Hello, how's everybody doing today?"

Harry looks back and smiles warily, "hanging in there. Nurse said you had things to discuss with us?"

"Right," the doctor sits down beside his patient and smiles softly at the boy. "We want to put a port inside Louis' chest. It'll be beneficial for hospital visit and treatments at home."

Harry nods slowly, "alright I'm going to sound ignorant but what is a port?"

The doctor frowns. "It's a small incision made right about here," he taps lightly on the right side of Louis' breastbone. "It's a tiny plastic semi circle piece that will make his hospital visits easier and make home treatments a huge possibility."

Harry almost immediately brightens up at the aspect of Louis being able to be at home, "no more hospital visits?"

"Well," the doctor sighs heavily, "there still might be hospital visits. The point is that we can teach you to flush out the port and give him a treatment at home to cut back on the hospital visits."

Zayn perks up at that. "So he'd probably only be in here say once a year instead of every three months?"

Harry grins and turns it to Louis, "you hear that baby? You won't have to be in here all the time."

Louis smiles nervously. "What's an incision?"

The doctor laughs nervously and looks at the parents unsure of what to say. "Ummm, well..."

Harry sighs, the only drawback. "The doctors are going to put you to sleep and they're going to have to give you some surgery to make you feel better."

Niall tries to smile reassuringly. "It'll be okay, love. It'll make you all better."

Harry nods, "and you'll have presents when you wake up, whenever you want."

Zayn nods happily now that his brother might be able to get some relief. "It'll be great, Lou! Presents for sleeping!"

"When can we get the procedure done?" Niall asks the doctor quickly.

"I can do it tomorrow around eight in the morning. I have a surgery at ten before I leave for France later tomorrow." The doctor says as he mentally goes through his calendar. "If you want to wait it'll have to wait till I'm back in the country. Pulmonologist conferences are mandatory every three years."

"I'd rather it happen tomorrow, the sooner the better. Would you show Niall and I afterwards how to flush the port or another day?"

"Of course. I wouldn't leave without ensuring you knew what you were doing." The doctor says seriously.

Harry nods running his fingers through Louis' hair. Things would be okay. Things would get better and they would be okay.

\------------

Zayn sits at the table in Louis' hospital room, sketching his parents who are so wrapped up in each other that they don't even notice. He's finished one piece for his showcase but he needs at least another three.

The space on the paper is nearly taken up by the loving embrace of the his couples. When the bed squeaks though, he looks up to see his brother looking around at the family. "Lou!"

Harry's head shoots up and he smiles so widely at his baby looking around dazed and probably exhausted, "hey, baby. How are you feeling?"

"Hurts." Louis says softly as he goes to rub at his aching chest.

Niall quickly reaches out and grabs the small boy's wrist. "You can't touch it, bud. It'll make the pain worse."

Harry sighs and kisses Louis' cheek, "they'll give you some medicine to make you feel all better."

Niall sends Zayn to get the nurse. "Liam, can you pass your brother his water? Doctor said he'd be thirsty when he woke up."

Liam nods and pours a glass walking over and holding it out for his brother to take, "here you go Lou."

"Thanks, Li-Li." Louis sips carefully at the water as the doctor walks in.

"How you feeling, champ? You were such a great patient. Took half as long as we thought it would." The doctor checks over his vitals before making some notes on his chart.

Harry looks at the doctor, "he says his chest hurts which I understand, but is there anything you can do for him?"

"Just a Tylenol. He's too young to give him anything harder. I'll have the nurse bring him some." He looks over at Louis and smiles. "Do you mind if I show your dads your chest?"

"Okay," Louis says shyly. He doesn't like doctors staring at him. It usually means something is wrong with him.

"Babe. don't be nervous, they just want to show me how good you did! Afterwards you can open the presents we bought you."

Niall nods in encouragement. "It'll be okay, soldier."

The doctor carefully pushes the gown off the boy's chest. "That small bump is the port. When you need to give him treatments at home or if he should have to come in here for something you'll take the hooked needle and it'll lock inside the port. It'll be just like giving him an IV."

Harry nods watching the doctor closely, "and how do we flush it out?"

"You will use a syringe to push a small amount of saline or heparin into the port and catheter. You need to flush it before and after every use and every two weeks." The doctor demonstrates how to make sure the port is hooked properly and injects a bit of water into the port."

Louis squirms beneath him. "That felt weird. I don't like it."

"It'll keep you from being in here all the time, you won't have to always be in a hospital if we do this. You'll see your brothers and your papa all the time," Harry explains.

Louis frowns, but nods. "It's just cold."

The doctor smiles softly. "That just the saline. It'll warm up soon. As soon as you’re done, you need to clean the area around the port to help reduce infection chances. That's pretty simple. Now that he has a port, a simple check up and he can do all the treatments from home."

Harry nods smiling softly and kissing Louis' chest near the port, "would you like to open your presents, love?"

\------------

Niall smiles brightly at his husband as they sit in the doctor's office. It's been six months since the port had been planted in Louis' chest and he seems to be doing really well.

"I know it's not possible to be cured of cystic fibrosis, but I honestly feel like Louis has been getting so much better." He tells Harry while they wait for the doctor.

Harry nods, squeezing Niall's hand from where their fingers are twisted together, "hopefully he'll be able to join a footy team likes he's been telling me he's been wanting to do. I want him to have just as many opportunities in life as anyone else."

The doctor comes in with a tight lipped smile. "Hello, Mister and Mister Horan. How's Liam and Zayn doing?"

"They're good, both have high marks. Liam's joined a few after school activities and Zayn won a few art shows, he has a chance to get his art in the Tate Modern if he can win this next competition coming up." Harry's never been more proud of either of his kids.

"Good, good. What about Louis? How do you think he's doing?"

"Amazing," Niall says quickly. "He's not complained of short breath or pain in his chest. It's been great."

Harry grins thinking about his baby, "his brothers can play footie with him and Lou can usually keep up pretty well, doesn't wake up in the middle of the night because he can't breathe. He's been doing good. Great."

"Well you know what they say, the calm before the storm." The doctor sighs as he flips through Louis' recent scans and vital readings. "Harry, Niall... Louis is getting worse."

Harry's smile instantly drops, and his heart feels like it's plummeted into his stomach, "worse? How?"

"I can't explain why he's breathing better, but his scans and all his test results show a seventy to seventy five percent level filled lung capacity." He sighs heavily and sets his glasses on his desk.

"But... He's been playing football. He's been... He's been normal." Niall says quietly.

"He's not showing he's worse, he can do things he hasn't before! Your tests are wrong, faulty." Harry's positive Louis is alright.

The doctor shakes his head sadly. "His lungs have been increasing in fluid capacity every time we run a test. At this rate, I'd give six months- maybe a year- before his lungs stop functioning without the help of a machine."

Harry chokes on his spit, trying to keep himself from crying, "what are you saying? That he's not going to live unless he's on a machine?"

Niall shakes his head. "No. He's fine. He just ran a full ninety minutes with his brothers."

"I'm sorry. I estimate he'll be on a ventilator within a year." The doctor says sadly. "I would just let him live as normal as possible for as long as he can."

Harry buried his face into Niall's neck and silently cries against him, he's shaking. This is the last thing he wanted to hear.

"He's wrong, babe. He's got to be wrong." Niall whispers to his husband as he holds him close. He wants to cry and be angry, but he can't. He's got to stay strong for his family. He'll soldier on like he always does.

Harry just hopes Niall is right.


End file.
